Maximum Capacity

"Oh, no thanks! Really, I've had enough. I'm full. Honestly, I've had so much of it lately that I'm starting to get sick of it...."

Unfortunately, this is not my reply to the waitress at The Scarlet Oak Tavern regarding wine. Nor is it my response to the waiter at La Famiglia in the North End, where the dinners are served on what I believe to be sewer covers rather than actual plates. I wish I was saying this to Gustavo, our personal attendant on the cruise that my BFF's and I took twenty years ago...but no such pleasure.

I am talking about the godforsakenobnoxiouslyinsultinglyridiculoushowmuchmoreisthereofthismofo SNOW.
I am generally not a snow-hater, and I have been trying to deny the temptation to post some banal comment about it on my facebook status. I think though, that the refusal to comment has backfired and suddenly, as I am snapping about it, I am blogging about it. Enough already with this snow! Even my kids are starting to groan rather than cheer when the 5:45AM call comes in canceling school. Instead of the stomach-plunging sound of the plow going by and taking both the sidewalk and our basketball hoop with it, I want to hear the ICE CREAM MAN; instead of a cup of hot chocolate, I want (I hate the name of it right now!) a  SNOW CONE. Snow-blower? No...Lawn-mower! Snow boots? No...Flip-Flops! Snow pants? No...Capris! Ice-scraper and brush in the car? No...Beach chair and boogie boards in the car! Ya'll catch my drift?!?

Now, I know we get...wait a sec:
*An advance apology to the 'Gentle Readers' (as in- Mom, and Nana) but I will be referring to it as mofosnow....
As I was saying, I know we get mofosnow around here. We expect it. But, we don't expect three storms a week with 10 - 14 inches each time. (Hey, Mother Nature, what you've been dumping on us this winter is "MOJO-SNOW"!) So here's what I'm going to do: rather than bitch and moan about the mojo/mofosnow, I am going to reach deep down into my 'Glass-Is-Half-Full' file and see if I can put a positive spin on nature's White Delight.   I'm trying for a list of 10 here:

1. Your children could set a world record for making over 100 variations of a snowman. Start taking pictures...
2. It opens up a whole new world of shopping: boots, silk long-underwear (best stuff!), hats, scarves, and did I mention boots? ALL purchases are justified.
3. You can test your shift-on-the-fly 4WD in the mofosnow when you are trying to get out of your driveway. A totally new experience, compared to what you usually use the 4WD  for.
4. You'll eventually be on a first-name basis with the driver who is contracted by the city to plow your street. If you can time it right, run outside and start pathetically "shoveling". Give them a big wave and a "Hello (insert first name)!" because they may, on the next pass, take down the concrete wall between your driveway and the street, and plow it away into oblivion.
5. While you sit in the airport waiting for your flight to be rescheduled, you will have plenty of time to look over, pre-screen, and come to your own conclusions about your fellow flight-mates.
6. You will become a black diamond skiier by default as you attempt to retrieve your mail/newspaper everyday.
7. You have an absolutely legitimate excuse for sporting that dungeon tan. 
8. Think of the workout you get every single day. You're starting to look buff, man!
9. Your children will give you zero argument when you say this summer, "We're going to the beach today."
10. Lastly, many people are complaining that their kids will be in school until July 4th. Try to think of it this way- for every extra day that your kids are in school, it's one extra day for you to go to the beach without them.

That's it. I'm done; with the mofosnow and this list...it took me way longer than I thought it would to think up 10 positive things about all of this snow. I'm heading outside to go bat my eyelashes and wave to Cooper, our plow-guy......"HEY, COOOOP!"